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The Trinity Broadcasting Network is Biblical Right?

by Michael Houke

Founders and co-leaders Paul and Jan Crouch

You mean the Trinity Broadcasting Network? Nah! You’re kidding me right? They stopped dabbling in that doctrinal doo doo years ago. They now have Holy Ghost machine guns to mow down their distracters. Here is a list of what makes them so wonderfully and cheerfully made Christians.

1. They are little gods, little “g”.
2. They have water fights with Jesus. (In heaven of course).
3. They raise the dead from their caskets.
4. They talk to the dead and pray with them at their gravesites.
5. They no longer sin.
6. They have nine (9) count them nine God heads in their trinity. (We have only 3).
7. They have a Rolls Royce Kind of Faith! (What do we have a Neon)?
8. They have holy water from a river in Russia. (Do You)?
9. They kick ladies in their heads.
10. They laugh their tails off in the name of Jesus.
11. They prophesize in the name of Jesus.
12. They need only be 33% accurate to be a prophet of God. (They set their own standard)
13. They know that Jesus suffered in Hell! He got his tail kicked!
14. They know that God is the biggest loser in the Bible.
15. They heal the sick and wounded by a simple touch.

But wait there’s more!!

16. They talk money into their wallets.
17. They too cast out demons! Just Like Jesus!
18. They get special revelations from God all the time.
19. They roar like Lions for Jesus
20. They do the chicken Walk for Jesus.
21. They allow animals to be saved! (Squirrels too)
22. They endorse the Lovely Masonic Lodge.
23. They rub elbows with the fun guys from the Shriners!
24. They get down on Azuza Street with the best of them.
25. They do away with Heresy hunters. Be Gone They say!
26. They preach while lying on their backs. (Do we? And without a Bible! Top That!)
27. They have a special anointing from God.
28. They have preachers riding in first class and coach!
29. They know Jesus was handling big money!! (ask any of them)
30. Jesus and the Apostles stayed at the finest establishments while on tour. (And so do they)
31. Jesus was handling big money. (And so do they)
32. Jesus wore designer robes. (And so do they)
33. The Apostles spoke in supernatural tongues. (And so do they)
34. Jesus cast out Demons. (And so do they)
35. They can get a whole congregation speaking in tongues all at once. (Wow even Jesus and the Apostles couldn’t do that)

36. And last but not least, they have done away with the trinity. They didn't need it after all.
Now exactly why do they call it the Trinity Broadcasting Network?

Well just how good is all that. If only the rest of us could receive their special anointing!! Why, we too could be on the Trinity Broadcasting Network Proclaiming the Doctrine of Demons just like they do!! Can you see what we are missing? We are letting our best life now slip right out of our hands, right before our very own eyes. But it is never too late. Get some of that Russian river water from Peter Popoff and drink it daily. Miracles and all the promises of the Bible will come your way. Or get some trinklets from Marilyn Hickey they will help you get the anointing and then you can talk money into your wallet. I hear Oral Roberts is still offering prayer hankies. There is much more you can do, just watch the show and see for yourself.

Have a blessed life now!!

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